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IridescentVoid
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Name: Hannah
Birthday: 2/25/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: At the moment...
Coffee. :3.
And I am NOT an addict.
Expertise: I am a respirateur. That is, breathing is my primary occupation and I'm very, very good at it too.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/21/2003
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| It's five minutes before midnight and in a way I feel like Cinderella waiting with bated breath for the fated moment. For you see, as soon as I discover that today has passed into yesterday I will change the notice that's been on my AIM profile for a while now. Specifically, it is a countdown. A countdown on how much longer I will be using this room, this corner as my home. By the five minutes it will be one more day not counting tomorrow before I pack up and leave.
I'll let you know I've gone through a whole lot of emotional ups and downs today and it's not just because I'm female. I'm ecsadic, as I told my aunt yesterday. I'm anxious to meet my roomie, to immerse myself in a new world and start over. I'm depressed because I think I'll fade out of my friends' lives, a distance made longer by time and a lack of connection. I didn't want to come home each summer to a bunch of friends who I suddenly couldn't talk about anything with.
Well, the thing that mostly makes me think of this is the fact that I've been dumping out all the body fat that's been sitting in my room the past four years. You know what I mean. Papers. Lots and lots of papers and memorabilia and pointless little items that I just stuff into junk drawers and forget about until this emotional baggage-ridding time comes round again.
Unbelievable what you find when you look through these things. I found old cards, old birthday cards with lots and lots of scrabbly, crabbed writing from Nikki and Diana and Toni speaking of hopes on 'what we'd do as soon as we got the time... I love you, and good luck with what you're doing'. Little notes passed on from class to class for four years running. Scribbles all over my planner done by Nikki and Ray. Old old pictures. Old writings, amateur writings, amateur thoughts, the beginnings of stories implanted in my mind. You guys know what I'm talking about. ALL the stuff. All those little things that defined me back then, the self-pitying thoughts on bad days, the letters we passed to one another when we didn't have time to talk otherwise, the dawning of creative ideas, so on, so forth. It was as though my entire life was replaying through my eyes. Hopes, dreams, hardships. Betrayal, hurt, fear. Everything.
It was depressing, mostly. I cried in a lot of it. Nothing quite turned out the way we planned, and usually for the worse. It's all my fault, you know, cause if I didn't do this and then she didn't do that then I wouldn't have done this and this terrible thing wouldn't have happened.
Right.
Well in any case, all the emotional baggage and the ratty clothes that go with it are either waiting for the bonfire tomorrow or sitting in the trash can. My room is clean, now... disturbingly clean. Cleaning it made me realize I will be somewhere else for the next four years. I will be somewhere other than Fullerton and I will call it 'home'.
To add to the unhappiness of leaving, Nikki called me at about nine tonight. Sobbing, utterly sobbing about how much she missed me. I missed her too, terribly so, but I guess it's easier to feel the pain of missing someone when there's nobody else around you. Sixth apartment did not bode well for me. I did not want to call it home.
I do not want to call it home at all.
But then while I was uploading pictures I came across something.... which gave me an image. It's the one image that I hold on to. I am at peace now, as I try to be. It is a good image. I will tell you.
My Dad, above all people, should have not had contact with his high school friends. However, about three others are here, in America, in this area. They meet once a month on the first saturday at each others' houses. They rotate houses so they're not in one place too long. They also bring their wives and children. Yeah, this was also the Las Vegas group who I dragged to watch Le Reve. My father gives me the example.
The image that I have with me now is one of myself and everyone else, middle-aged, married and with children approximately our age. I have the image of us meeting once a month, on a time we all spare, so we can rotate in each others' houses and reminisce about good times and talk about current stories. There we all are, outside on my balcony on a balmy July night, idly watching those new and improved Disneyland fireworks while our kids scream and bicker and laugh with their own stories. Watching them we remember our own stories. I can imagine telling Raymond's children about their father dressing in drag and dancing seductively on stage... and I can see them shrieking with laughter at Ray's embarasssed but laughing face. By then we would probably have lost the beauty and litheness of our youth. Graying, fat, wrinkling, balding, bearding middle-aged people, well on their way to some form of terminal illness. I can also imagine Toni disciplining her child for not writing his report correctly, and I can imagine Nikki ruffling the hair of my embittered child and somehow make him smile.
It's true, we are all well on our way into our own path and lifestyle, but if my dad can do it, I think we can as well. And sooner or later I expect to see myself seated with a bunch of people who were there during some of the best and worst times of my life, full of a million other stories to share and echoing with laughter now laced with wisdom and experience.
It's twelve-twenty three now, and I still haven't changed the time on my profile. But I suppose it can wait. The countdown is meaningless. My own path has already begun, after all. But I intend to come back. This is 'home'. You all are part of it.
So come, sit down with me sometime in the distant future and we will tell each other of where skies are not like these and time runs not the same...
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| | Soundtrack of my life | | Opening credits:: | With Love from Me to You--Watashi Wa | | Dreaming about someone scene: | The Walk--Imogen Heap | | Waking up scene: | Monday Morning--The Charade | | Average day scene: | Skin is, My--Andrew Bird | | Friends scene: | The Fallen--Franz Ferdinand | | First date scene: | You Never Know--Clazziquai | | Falling in love scene: | Slow Dance--Ken Oak | | Driving scene: | Drive--Incubus | | Fight scene: | Time is Running Out--Muse | | Chase scene: | Ride--Bond | | Love scene: | Sway--Bic Runga | | Mellow love scene: | Hitched--Maria Taylor | | Sex scene: | Erm. <<. | | Fight with friend scene: | Paperthin Hymn--Anberlin | | Fight with partner scene: | Just Kill Me--Echostream | | Angry/Bitter scene: | The Melting Point of Wax--Thrice | | Breakup scene: | Leave Me--Loveholic | | Get back together scene: | Your Ex-Lover is Dead--Stars | | Long night alone scene: | Across the Universe--Fiona Apple | | Sad scene: | Tisbury Lane--Mae | | Heartbreak scene: | Breathe Me--Sia | | Evil/Revenge scene: | There's a Good Reason Those Tables are Numbered, Honey, You Just Haven't Figured It Out Yet--Panic! At the Disco | | Mental breakdown scene: | Butterfly--Laguardia | | Contemplation scene: | Sitting, Waiting, Wishing--Jack Johnson | | Regret scene: | Wake Me Up When September Ends--Green Day | | Lesson learning scene: | Both Sides Now--Hayley Westenra | | Life's okay scene: | Learning to Breathe--Switchfoot | | Party scene: | Quando--Michael Buble feat. Nelly Furtado | | Death scene: | Shortly Before the End--OK Go | | Nostalgia scene: | A Letter from the Lost Days--Silent Hill. <<. | | Happy ending scene: | Embers and Envelopes--Mae | | Closing credits: | I Do--Ilaria Graziano | Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d |
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| the Wit
(57% dark, 26% spontaneous, 10% vulgar) | your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK
You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.
I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer.
Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion.
You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'mtalking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais
The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -
If you're interested, try my best friend's best test: The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece | | |
My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 99% on darkness | | You scored higher than 99% on spontaneity | | You scored higher than 99% on vulgarity |
| Smartass
You are 57% Rational, 71% Extroverted, 71% Brutal, and 71% Arrogant. | | You are the Smartass! You are rational, extroverted, brutal, and arrogant. In fact, you could very well be the anti-Christ, as you are almost the exact opposite of everything Jesus was supposed to be. While Jesus says love your enemy, you say love beating the crap out of your enemy. While Jesus raises the dead, you raise hell. While Jesus walks on water, you tend to sink. You probably consider people who are emotional and gentle to be big pussies who are obviously in lesser stature than you. You have many flaws, despite your seeming intelligence and cool-headedness. For instance, you aren't very nice. In fact, you're probably an asshole. And you are conceited and self-centered. Not only that, but you are very loud and vocal about all this, seeing as how you are extroverted. There is no better way to describe you than as a "smartass", I'm afraid. Perhaps just "ass" would do, too. But that's a little less literary and descriptive. At any rate, your main personality defect is the fact that you are self-centered, mean, uncaring, and brutally logical. To put it less negatively: 1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive. 2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted. 3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle. 4. You are more ARROGANT than humble. Compatibility: Your exact opposite is the Emo Kid. Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Capitalist Pig, the Braggart, and the Sociopath. * * If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits. The other personality types: The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble. The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble. The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant. The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble. The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble. The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant. The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble. The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble. The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant. The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble. The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble. The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant. Be sure to take my Sublime Philosophical Crap Test if you are interested in taking a slightly more intellectual test that has just as many insane ramblings as this one does! |  |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 99% on Rationality | | You scored higher than 99% on Extroversion | | You scored higher than 99% on Brutality | | You scored higher than 99% on Arrogance |
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| 1. Who would you most like to get stuck in a lift with? anyone who can get out. ._.
2. Were you named after anyone? ... I don't think so. ._o;
3. Do you wish on stars? Nope.
4. Which finger is your favorite? Erm... I'd say thumb. But I don't think that's a finger. So. Pinky. Just cause it's funny. :D
5. When did you last cry? ... Mm. Hardly a week ago, I think.
6. Do you like your handwriting? Mostly. I don't think it's as good as everybody says it is, though.
7. What is your favorite lunch meat? roast beef. :D
8. Do you like chips? No, actually. ._o; I don't crave them and I only eat them when they're handed to me.
9. What is your most embarrassing cd? BRITNEY SPEARS xD And I'm not kidding.
10. If you were another person, would you be friends with you and why? Nah. I don't like me. I'm an arrogant selfish beeatch who doesn't take anybody else seriously and wounds their most sensitive areas in their hearts to boot.
11. Are you a daredevil? No. ._o; My mom says I EAT fear.
12. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Only when I think it's completely necessary.
13. Do looks matter? No, actually. ._o;
14. Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid? Yes. Epih tohme.
16. Do fish have feelings? ... I don't know. o_o;
17. Are you trendy? . . . Don't ask me. ._o; People tell me that I am and I try to dress well. But iono about 'trendy'.
18. How do you release anger? Randomly and sporadically with intensely violent reactions.
19. Where is your second home? Starbucks. And Meeting Room A at church. <<.
20. Do you trust others easily? Usually, hardly. It takes years or days. But recently it seems as though that has changed.
21. What was your favorite toy as a child?Ooh! A patch-made evolved long pillow-turned-cat. Named 'Baby'.
22. What class in school do you think is totally useless? ToK. Somewhat. Iono, BS skills are necessary. And it was fun. But I wasn't entirely sure about it being the pinnacle of IB or whatever.
23. Do you like sappy love songs? In certain moods? Yeah. But my usual requirements for music still apply. It has to be pretty.
24. Have you ever been on radio or television? Nope.
25.Do you have a journal? Yes. :D
26. Do you use sarcasm a lot? ...nooooo. -_-
27. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? no
28. What do you look for in a guy? ... I'm not entirely sure, but I'll ACTUALLY ATTEMPT to give this a shot. Intelligence. A conscience. A stronger internal sense of what is right than what other people tell him. A sense of humor. Generosity.
29. What are your nicknames? Banana, Hannie, Unni, Iri, Irikinirimimiri, Mariannasshi... more, I'm sure.
30. Would you bungee jump? NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME DO IT. o_o;
31. What are you worried about right now? Lectoring tomorrow and waking up on time. Doing this survey isn't helping.
32. Do you think that you are strong? In my weakness, I am made strong. BOO YAH FIRST READING I DID LAST MONTH. ... I think.
33. What's your favourite ice-cream flavour? coffee and vanilla. :D ... and for gelato, pistachio.
34. What's your favorite colour? Black, dark purple, dark green, grey.
35. What is your least favorite thing in the world? Orange. It's my bad color.
36. How many wisdom teeth do you have? Two.
37. How many people have a crush on you right now? ... nobody, I think. o_o; Why would anybody like ME?
38. Who do you miss most right nowz? ... Hm. Iono.
39. Could you spend your life with just one person and no one else? Yes. I think so.
40. Would you rather spend your life with the one guy/girl you love, or spend your life cheating and getting everyone you can? Oh please. The one guy. IF you guarantee that the love is true.
41. If you loved someone, would you still cheat on them if you knew you could get away with it? ... That isn't love, is it? ._O;
42. Describe your future: Being locked into constant therapy with a raving-mad Jason. At least I get rich. Hopefully.
43. What are your fears? Ray in drag and molesting inanimate objects. Which is why I am no longer surprised by anything in the world. xD Jk... I wouldn't tell everybody those.
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| Yeah, exactly what that says. ._.; Well, here goes.
10 life's simple pleasures...
1. waking up early morning and taking a walk in the cool, brisk air while drinking coffee.
2. .... writing exercises. xD And late-night conversations that push your sleeping habits to the very edge.
3. Laughing too hard because your friends did something stupid.
4. Reading poetry outside on the front bench
5. Unexpected visits from friends
6. Receiving letters from Hannah Piol. xD. She makes me laff so much.
7. Sleeping to Le Reve. x3
8. Finding yourself completely understood by other people.
9. Taking pictures of people in their natural state. xD.
10.
spending time at art galleries w/ friends <3....and then looking for
two of them because they ran off, meaning less time to enjoy the art
for Hanson..........like the time we were looking at the photo shots of
nature and then every like...2 minutes I had to look around because
they would come, then go, then come, then go. Yeah, I'm not done yet
*you know who you are*. Then there's that time where we were at the
place with the manuscripts and you ran off again. Then you called US
asking US where we were. Guess what? we were still at the manuscripts
area wondering where YOU WERE. !!! No, it doesn't end there!!! jk i'm
done. It was still oodles of fun...but it doesn't end there! Then
there's the invisible barriers that you put up....ignoring us and
such....sure, we had our own conversations and such but when we tried
to break the barriers, ntohing happened! what's up with that?! and then
there's the cross shaped barriers. I mean what the hell, who the hell
has cross shaped barriers!? <--You are SO bad at this. But I don't want to take this off... <<. That was hella fun. Uh. What else? Oh. Sharing music...and finding it slowly taking over their media players. Puahahah.
Well. I tag...
... Everybody's been tagged before. Fine, nobody who did this before and actually read the entire spiel. Go for it. xD.
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